The Nicest Thing You Can Do for Other People (and Yourself)
Easy tools to help you get real about prayer
Have you ever confided in a friend about a problem, maybe your health or a relationship issue, and they reassured you with, “You’ll be in my prayers!”?
What about you, have you said those words to someone else? (Oh, come on, you know we all have.) And did you really pray for that person? Maybe you got in the car and thought about them for another minute — before you pulled into traffic and went off to tackle your busy life.
Too often, that is the extent of our prayers for another.
Sometimes we use “I’ll pray for you” as a soothing balm when we feel helpless, and just don’t know what else to say.
But what if you made it a point to really pray for others?
I am here to tell you that:
- praying for others is easier than you think, and
- doing it for real is better (for both of you!) than you realize.
I’m not going to bore you with a treatise about the power of prayer and why it works. There are countless articles about the efficacy of prayer. Let’s just take for granted that you already know, to some degree, that prayer works.
Did you know that the simple act of engaging in prayer is beneficial to you, as well?
According to psychology today, prayer reduces anxiety, elevates a depressed mood, lowers blood pressure, stabilizes sleep, and positively effects your bodily functions like digestion and breathing.
Wouldn’t you like to spend a few minutes a day doing something pleasant, easy, and free to get all those benefits?
It’s Not about You
The best thing about praying for others is that it takes your focus off yourself!
Let me confide in you for a moment. I’ve experienced some dark places. Are you with me? Those days when everything seems to be tumbling downhill and we’ve lost relationships, health, finances, friends, you name it. Sometimes all at once. It’s hard to look up from that, isn’t it?
The fastest, most effective ‘happy pill’ available to us during tough times is to think about someone else’s problem and help them with it. Praying for another person gets my self-centered ego pried off my own sadness — and fixated with hope and love on someone else.
Have you ever been told, when suffering through hard times, to go serve and volunteer where others are worse off than you? This works the same way. Focus on someone else and you’ll be too occupied to feel sorry for yourself.
So how do you become a person that prays for others in truth, instead of one that throws the phrase around with about as much sincerity as ‘bless your heart’?
Here are two easy methods. I do both, but you can choose one and make it your own.
Write it Down
Do you carry a day planner? Find a page in the back that’s separate from the rest and use it as a running prayer list.
What about a gratitude journal? This is a popular practice for many, regardless of their religion or beliefs — and a worthy one! Why not snag a page or two at the back of that journal and designate a ‘people to pray for’ list?
The trick here is to use a small section of a tool you already love. Don’t find another thing to carry around or commit to doing like it’s a chore and a bore. Make it simple. Make it easily accessible.
Me, I’m a digital gal, so I keep a notepad on one screen of my phone. When I need a pick-me-up, it’s always nearby. When I meet someone that needs to go on my prayer list — I pull that sucker up and add them right then!
When the young woman at the checkout mentions her little boy in the hospital, what kind of impact do you think it makes when I pull out my notepad, look her in the eye and ask, “may I add him to my prayer list?” Ask her name. Write it down. Ask her little one’s name. Write it down. Don’t be righteous or weird: smile, thank her, and let her get back to work. Think she’ll feel like someone in this big, lonely world is on her side? You bet she will. You just made a difference right there, my friend.
Who Goes on the List?
Of course, it’s easy to remember to pray for members of your immediate family. Or is it? What about your mom’s aching back? Your kid’s not-so-savory friends at school? The traffic your spouse navigates each day? How often do you remember to pray about those things? Write down your immediates: spouse, kids, parents, best friends, the people you love most. Make a note of any special needs they have or blessings you want for them.
How about your pastor? Your boss? Your community? Do you ever pray for the leaders in your country or around the world?
And that person you barely know, from church or at the grocery store, or on your daily walk, or yes, even from work. Do they need prayer? Do you really mean to pray for them? Put their name down.
Do the Hand Prayer
If you aren’t much of a list-maker, try the Hand Prayer method. I originally got this idea from Pastor Rick Warren and adapted it a bit for myself. The original method is two hands, but I simplified it to one.
When you clasp your hands together in front of your chest in a traditional ‘prayer’ posture, each finger reminds you who to pray for.
- Thumb: This is closest to your heart, so start by praying for those closest to you. Pray for the people you love — your family, your friends.
- Index Finger: This finger points the way, so we are reminded to pray for our teachers, pastors, and other leaders. I am not always able to support the ministries I like financially, but I can support them through prayer. I can pray that they are given wise words, that their families are healthy, and that they are blessed for what they do.
- Middle Finger: This is the tallest finger, so this is a reminder to pray for the biggest leaders and influencers in our world. Do you pray for people in power, do you pray for the president? This was a challenge for me in years when our U.S. President was not a man that I liked or agreed with! But I was reminded that I should pray for a person in power to be given guidance, wisdom, and righteous advisors — whether I like them or not!
- Ring Finger: This is said to be the ‘weak finger’ which is a reminder to pray for those who need it most. Pray for the elderly, the sick, the poor. Pray for those people you encounter along the way that are in need.
- Pinky Finger: In the original, this is the one where you are reminded to pray for yourself. Nothing wrong with that! But I’ll be honest with you. I don’t need any help remembering to pray for me! I am constantly chatting with God about my own self and situations.
I changed the reminder of this symbol to the prayer that is the hardest, but the most rewarding. I pray for my enemies. I pray for the people that did me wrong. I pray for the person I’m mad at. I pray for the friend that I’m having a hard time forgiving. And I ask for help with the forgiving, too.
By the time I am done with either method, I feel 180 degrees different from the way I started.
I have Hope.
I have Peace.
I feel excited for the friends I prayed for, and I don’t see that cloud of gloom over my own head anymore. Ending with a prayer for someone that did me a bad turn is a surefire way to release any remaining nasty negatives that were buried in my heart.
I recently had the excellent surprise of my good friend (who is a non-believer and non-praying-person) calling me up to say, “My sister got a job!!! More pay and benefits than the one she lost! I told her you wrote her down in your little book. Thanks for praying!”
Did I play a part in God answering her prayers? Who knows! But I can feel good knowing that:
- my friend knew who to turn to,
- his sister felt like someone cared,
- and I didn’t give worthless lip-service to someone in need.
And regardless of the outcome, I got boatloads of joy and depression-kicking feel-good every single time I prayed for a lady that I barely knew.
Couldn’t we all use a lot more of that?
